Mrggg

OK, why is being here so difficult for me? Well, I have to completely rebuild my life. I have to find new activities, make new friends, form a new routine. I realize that not doing what you normally do is part of traveling, but I'm no longer traveling. I live here. I think back to when I started college as a freshman and how difficult it was for me to find my place, but that by the time I started by Junior year I was somebody, I had a niche and a role. But I don't have two years. I have one shot, one semester. I've met some people at Chabad; they're really nice and I love being there. I joined the British Expatriate meet up group online (the international one doesn't do anything), and they're pretty awesome; the events they organize let me know what's going on in the city. I've met people in class, and I'm beginning to pinpoint friendly people. But why is the transition between awkward acquaintance and friend so difficult? I am SO jealous of my roommates who have each other. But me? I'm still completely on my own. I can always try harder, and I always am, but after a certain while, it gets exhausting. After putting in a certain amount of effort, you want to see results, right? I know what I'm like, but many times I wish I was different, so things would be easier. The coolest people I've met are random guys in their twenties I meet while traveling or at Chabad. I don't get along with large groups of people my age. No wonder Santa Cruz was perfect for me... we're all a bunch of misfits. I need to remember why I'm here: to pull myself out of my shell, to have new experiences, to see what the world is like, to travel. But how do you see what the world is like when the only people you meet are American 20 year olds who just want to get wasted?